20 Years of Pink Ribbon Fashion Show~

This was truly an amazing day.  Filled with Sisterhood and friendships that are endless.  Good food and was truly the best PAY IT FORWARD I had been given in a long time.  The show was wonderful and filled with amazing stories of survivor ship.  There are over 200 photos I took this day, however, I am just sharing the highlights.  It's way to many to post.

Welcome to the Pink Ribbon Fashion Show

Hearing Aid of Joy~The Youthful Me

Last night I had the opportunity to take a LiveJournal Class sponsored by the Pink Ribbon Connection.  It was a very nice time.  My friend Sandie and I just enjoyed our time together all around.  

Here is the poem I created during the class:

Hearing Aid of Joy~

I can't hear you.
Why are you looking angry?
Did I do something wrong?
Why are you looking at me that way?

Went to see the doctor.
He did some funny tests with these things on my head.
Looks like I'm supposed to raise my hand.
But why?  I don't hear him saying anything.

The doctor gave me something for my ears.
He put it in.
Wow!!! What's that sound?
I hear mommy saying something.  
She hugs me with tears of joy.

For those of you that don't know me, I was totally deaf when I was between the ages of 3-5.  I had surgery and tubes were inserted in my ears to drain the fluid.  When I came out of the surgery, I remember in my groggy state, my dad was saying "I love you, Vicki".  So the poem is inspired by my youthful self.  

Started School

       For me, going back to school was a daunting task! After all, I have not been in school for many years. The fears of not doing well had me a little scared.  I did not believe I could meet the challenges that school would offer.  Many thoughts ran through my head.

• Funding was a concern.
• Was I savvy enough on all the computer work I would be facing?
• Would I be able to accomplish all the school work and studying I would need to do?
• Going into a field I was for the most part, unfamiliar with.

           So many fears went through my head, it was a bit overwhelming. With my husband's encouragement and believing in myself, I remembered a statement that Franklin D. Roosevelt stated in 1933 at the beginning of his inaugural address: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself".  I thought about that statement and realized fear was the only thing that I needed to overcome.
          
           My husband and I moved to Indiana to be near the grand-kids and have a better life where we would be able to afford a house and live out the rest of our lives.  I had been recovering from a cervical spinal fusion and still was not able to work in the first year after. 
          
           I made a valiant attempt to go back into the workforce.  It wasn't easy finding a job that met my physical restrictions.

I tried for months looking for a position online and directly applying at businesses.  No one was giving me the opportunity to meet the goals of the companies I applied at.  Every application I filled out online somehow was tied to a college degree program of some kind. The Telemarketers' were calling day night and offered glorious college opportunities.  So finally, I caved and investigated the local colleges and liked the Sanford Brown College program the best.  By the Grace of God we found the funding.  Once that happened, I knew I had to have the drive to accomplish it.

             The campus was safe and not downtown.  I really don't like traffic.  So it was the right fit although it was 16 miles from the house.

News of Cancer in the third week.

Since I started college, I needed to establish some goals. My first goal was to have perfect attendance. My second goal was to accomplish the best grades in my classes. The third goal was to complete the courses successfully.

Into the third week of my first MOD, I received a call from the Woman's Center at IU West.  They needed to see me again.  It made me freeze up to hear that.  I knew what that meant.  More tests. My mammogram was not negative for the first time in my life. The following Tuesday I would hear the words.  "You have stage 1 breast cancer."

When Cindy, my cancer coordination nurse, gave me the news, all I could say was "What about school?"  She said to me, "I just told you that you have cancer".  I guess I wasn't accepting it.  I just wanted to know how that was going to affect my classes. I finished out the MOD.  A MOD being 5 weeks with a perfect attendance as planned. I questioned myself "How am I going to deal with cancer and go to school and accomplish my goals?"

Leave of Absence.

I was granted my 15 week leave of absence. I took care of business and the cancer was removed successfully, but I was not done yet.  Chemo started in December19, 2011 and ended in May of the following year. I started out journaling my experience on a daily blog.  My son, Adrian, put together a cool video of my hair being shaved off. He had the honor of shaving it the day before my chemotherapy began, which happened to be my grandson Hanks birthday. 

I went back to school in February of  2012 believing I could handle the treatments and going to classes.

Back to school for second MOD.

I was very excited to go back to classes.  However, into the fourth week I had a bad reaction to the chemotherapy (#5).  I was doing great till the last week.  Fortunately, my husband had taken vacation days that week for our anniversary and my birthday. It was either he drives me or I don't go.  I wanted my perfect attendance so I completed the MOD.  It wasn't easy with my hands and feet burning and not being able to eat right that week.  However, I finished the week and finished the MOD with a perfect attendance.

The Cancer and the treatments were not going to stop me from my goals. My tag line was Cancer Won't Define Me~.

LOA again I thought, instead did online classes.

       
            I didn't think I could do it. Never having taken a class online before was scary. With the support of my husband, the doctors, nurses and school staff I got through it in spite of the treatments I was going through. 

It got real interesting when my studies went along with my treatments.  I was having issues with my blood levels and that was the lesson of the week.  It went on like that throughout the online studies.  I had some of the most wonderful teachers that I have never seen in person, however, I felt they really cared and were very supportive of what I was going through.  It eased my mind when I asked questions about the treatments and what we were studying that week.  Cancer is scary in itself.  But how many have that medical information at hand.  Same with the nurse that would tell me what I was going through each time I went in and she would tell me about my blood tests before having treatment.  If it was too low, I knew what I had to do to bring it back up because I learned it in my lessons the previous week. 

As I mentioned, I had a bad reaction to the chemo cocktail on March 8th.  So now I was going to the treatments every week instead of every 3 week, for 9 more treatments. 

I turned in my papers, did my discussion group questions on time, responded to the classmate's posts and participated in the weekly class online. 

My attendance was noted as perfect attendance still.  I was excited when I would get my certificates in the mail.  The first President's Award was crazy exciting.  Why am I telling about all my accomplishments?  It proves that Cancer Won't Define You.  You can put your mind to anything and succeed.  Just because you have an illness or disability, as long as you have a positive attitude, you can overcome illness and accomplish many things.

           Online classes were over after my radiation was completed.  However, there are always more things to do before you can get back to the active life.  Tests to make sure the tumors are gone and visits to the Oncologist, the Radiologist, Surgeon and the GP Doctors.  They all gave me the go ahead to attend classes on campus again. One note was not to sit near anyone that was sick.  I still had a low immune system due to the chemo.

Back to school in October. 

            The first MOD was exciting and easy.  I needed easy.  I had wonderful teachers.  I was the only student in my second class with Ms McAdams. Holy Smokes!  I had a load of homework.  The best way to learn to code was to keep on coding.

The second MOD, Ms McAdams was my only class.  Had I not done all the online classes, those would have been my second class.  So I thought this was so cool and was going to be easy to take just one class. That dream changed at the end of this MOD.  I was asked to go to night school.  This was so I would have other classmates and finish with other students that were on the same schedule as me to complete.

Started Externship in July at Franciscan Alliance ABO office.

Externship was a great experience.  However, fear tried to set in again when Kathleen and I were told we would be in the Collection's department.  That was the last thing I wanted to do.  The phones are a problem for me sometimes.  I don't mind talking to people, but I have trouble on phones sometimes because of my selective hearing.  (joke)

As the weeks went on and the training was very good, I loved the job. And we were not calling patients to collect.  Whew! Claim inquiry is a great challenge.  Working to resolve the delayed payments for whatever reason is like detective work.  Once you get the just of it, it isn't bad.  I was kind of sad when the coarse ended.  I met a lot of very nice people and had the best trainers I could ever have imagined.

Completed Externship in August.

After the cancer journey and making it my goal to finish school with a perfect attendance, I needed a much desired break.  Took a bit of time to unpack the house since we just moved, vacationed in California to see the family and then get ready to graduate.

Look forward to working again.

In the middle of World War II, the Prime Minister of Great Brittan, Winston Churchill, quoted in a radio address to his people saying, "we shall not fail or falter; we shall not weaken or tire...give us the tools and we will finish the job.

            I believe in those words even today!  I shall not fail or falter; I shall not weaken or tire...I now have the tools and I did finish the job.

            I look forward to a healthy life and working in the career I trained hard in.  I look forward to helping everyone get their medical bills coded properly in the future.

Thank you Sanford Brown and all the people who supported me through this exciting journey.

Thank you Hans for always being there to push me when I didn't feel like getting the job done.  Thank you Hans for keeping me going when I didn't think I could do anymore.  Thank you for being my caregiver through thick and thin.  I love you forever and always. 

 

In the end:

 

Cancer Did not Define Me~

I figured out why I was feeling so crappy yesterday! Not only the meds. But I get this way every year on the anniversary of my father's passing. Without thought or even acknowledging I feel his presence on that day. It never goes away and neither does my love for my father. We had a very special bond. No one else knows about our father daughter connection like we did. There are some that even after his passing tried to convince me he was not a good father. A person that was not his child should not make such statements. 

I love you Alfredo Varona Garcia. Thank you for teaching me to knit, crochet and make kites to fly. Thank you for taking me fishing and teaching me how to catch the big ones. Thank you daddy for teaching me to be frugal with my money. To get my monies worth when buying anything. Thank you for believing in me when no one else did. Thank you for your humor and love. Thank you for helping me see the world through your eyes. I loved you in life and still love you in your passing. Thank you for coming to me in my dreams and still teaching me things. I am doing my best to make you proud. I love you.

If you have a special memory of my dad. Please do share...

No Sleep~

I was up all night.  Did not sleep after midnight.  It's 8 am and I am still wide awake.  Let's see how the day unfolds.  

Well, I slept for about an hour and then was wide awake again for the rest of the day.  Took the online class again for a second day.  I was glad I did.  Then I got sleepy after dinner and slept for about 3 hours.  Up again just in time for Criminal Minds.  Still wide awake.

As I've Aged...

As I've aged, I have become kinder to myself, and less critical of self. I've become my own friend.

We have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.

I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.
They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But, broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I'm so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

Chemo~

Didn't want to get up out of bed for anything.  But I had my chemo today.  I was dress and ready early and wanted to eat a good meal before the treatment so I stopped at Steak and Shake and had a lunch.  Then I went to Chemo.  Linda forgot to tell me on the phone that I would probably sleep and may need someone to drive me home.  So I did sleep a bit and so Hans called Adrian to give him a ride to the hospital to get me.  His timing was perfect.  I came home and slept more after I ate.  Hans had dinner ready for me.  

Got up in time for my online class.  Then I was up the rest of the night.